Saying Goodbye to Washington

Unsurprisingly, I have had a lot of things on my mind since moving to Troy, NY. I’ve been craving some quiet time to sit and write about my new life in New York and I've finally found it. But first, I need to write about saying goodbye to DC.

I fell in love with Washington DC when I was in 5th grade. I distinctly remember two things about 5th grade. First, I developed a short-lived disciplinary problem because my best friend Jean was in my class. I remember it being pretty fun to get in trouble with Jean - this was in Kansas right before our move to Georgia and a time I remember feeling strong, can-do-anything-and-be-anyone-i-want, and popular.

Anyway, the second thing I remember about 5th grade is learning about American history. We memorized the state capitols, participated in a “living history” exhibit (I was Dolly Madison and my mom hand-sewed a fantastic colonial dress for me to wear. A photo of my arm was in the newspaper!), and did a “research project” on a topic of our choosing. My topic was Pierre L’Enfant, the architect who designed Washington DC. I was intrigued by the idea of how Washington became a place with classical marble monuments, a place where the presidents lived, a place that belonged to all Americans. I learned that L’Enfant wasn’t nearly as interesting as the city itself. The seeds of my DC life were sown.

The rest of my journey to living in DC isn’t quite as romantic. I visited with my family in high school but, by that point, I was a moody angsty teenager wishing I was hanging out with my friends instead of walking around some touristy city with my family. I began visiting DC with relish once some of my college friends moved there. I fell in love with the city all over again. It was beautiful, green, young, and urban: a place where I felt like I could find myself, separate from the safety of my roots. It felt like somewhere I could own myself. I applied to several law schools in DC, but didn’t get in. I finally landed an internship and spent the summer of 2003 there. It was a very wild young summer and, upon leaving, I felt even stronger that it was a place I needed to be.

After applying to a zillion federal jobs in DC, I landed one a couple years out of law school, and moved there in September 2006. At that point, ironically, it was a hard move to make. I was excited about DC and all the pieces (the job, the apartment to live in) had fallen together so perfectly it seemed meant to be. However, I’d worked for two years in Atlanta and snuggled myself into a good life there. Leaving Georgia in 2006 was one of the hardest things I ever made myself do. I knew though, even then, it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I am so thankful for the three years I lived in the Washington area. When I arrived there, I was broken, adrift. I was on antidepressants and had a hangover every single weekend. When I left DC several days ago, I said goodbye to the city as a more whole person. I am married and feel more stable and emotionally healthy than I have in my whole life, ever. I’m closer – haha, not there yet - to finding a home inside myself. Although I can attribute a lot of that to finding a life partner and, indeed, to the particular life partner I’ve chosen, I also attribute some of my growth to DC itself. For me, DC was a place for walking and thinking. And walking and thinking makes one grow.

I could go on forever about how DC has been a major character in my life. But I shall end this tome of a blog post with my thoughts upon leaving the city. I took a day and visited all of my favorite DC landmarks one last time. I didn’t feel as sad as I thought that I would feel. Instead, it was like saying goodbye to an old friend you know you’ll see again soon. Or, more accurately, like saying goodbye to an old friend or family member you’ve been around for too long, and every single thing they do annoys the crap out of you. You know that the next time you see this person, you will be overjoyed and absolutely not annoyed but for now, you are getting out of there as quickly as you can before you explode. That’s how I felt driving away from DC. Give me time though, and I’ll be back.