it's me... still

the setting: it’s a tuesday night and the husband is out. i put on some cat stevens and got ready to make butternut squash soup (which incidentally, i don’t really care for but it sounds so autumn and cozy to make butternut squash soup, especially while listening to cat stevens, so i was going to try to like it). anyway, i realized i need a blender for the recipe- the blender, along with many many kitchen utensils/equipment i never thought we really needed is in storage. so. scratch that. and here we are, blogging.

hello.

i’ve moved to troy, new york. want to hear about it?

for about the first three weeks here, i felt like i was in mourning. in the daylight, i put on a fresh face, went to work, got groceries, made a couple friends, changed my address, went to the farmer’s market, ate ice cream, and threw balls for the dog in the park. but at night, i wanted to take it all back and go home, go back in time to when things were normal, go back to Before. i’ve been thinking a lot about the source of that mourning and i think i was having a bit of an identity crisis. all at once, i felt like a city girl stuck in the country, the only college football fan within a span of 300 miles, a lone southerner trying in vain to give a good explanation of my presence here, and the oldest law clerk in the world (most of my coworkers are fresh-out-of-law-school lawyers). not to mention, i got a brand new last name and brand new phone number, dropping two very important vestiges of my past all at once. suffice to say, i think i made it hard on my one and only friend here for those first three weeks- so sorry dear hubby.

the good news is i’ve found myself again.

all it took was two happy hours with my new coworkers, two visits to S’s parent’s house in potsdam, two georgia bulldog football games, seventeen meals made with vegetables from a friend’s garden, twenty bites of fried dough at the county fair, one cinnamon-scented candle, three weeks of a 15-minute commute with no traffic, two hangovers, two Adirondack hikes, two visits to massachusetts, one bike ride, one visit to vermont, one georgia o’keefe exhibit, one peace pagoda, three slices of NY pizza, one bowl of pho, two boat rides, two hot toffee cakes in keene, one episode of gilmore girls, thousands of kisses from the dog, two visits to the farmer’s market, three cases completed, one work picnic, two batches of zucchini bread, one bottle of wine brought home from italy, one phone call from a good friend in brooklyn, three bunches of fresh flowers, and one very loving, wonderful, fun, and handsome husband.

oh and cat stevens.

Saying Goodbye to Washington

Unsurprisingly, I have had a lot of things on my mind since moving to Troy, NY. I’ve been craving some quiet time to sit and write about my new life in New York and I've finally found it. But first, I need to write about saying goodbye to DC.

I fell in love with Washington DC when I was in 5th grade. I distinctly remember two things about 5th grade. First, I developed a short-lived disciplinary problem because my best friend Jean was in my class. I remember it being pretty fun to get in trouble with Jean - this was in Kansas right before our move to Georgia and a time I remember feeling strong, can-do-anything-and-be-anyone-i-want, and popular.

Anyway, the second thing I remember about 5th grade is learning about American history. We memorized the state capitols, participated in a “living history” exhibit (I was Dolly Madison and my mom hand-sewed a fantastic colonial dress for me to wear. A photo of my arm was in the newspaper!), and did a “research project” on a topic of our choosing. My topic was Pierre L’Enfant, the architect who designed Washington DC. I was intrigued by the idea of how Washington became a place with classical marble monuments, a place where the presidents lived, a place that belonged to all Americans. I learned that L’Enfant wasn’t nearly as interesting as the city itself. The seeds of my DC life were sown.

The rest of my journey to living in DC isn’t quite as romantic. I visited with my family in high school but, by that point, I was a moody angsty teenager wishing I was hanging out with my friends instead of walking around some touristy city with my family. I began visiting DC with relish once some of my college friends moved there. I fell in love with the city all over again. It was beautiful, green, young, and urban: a place where I felt like I could find myself, separate from the safety of my roots. It felt like somewhere I could own myself. I applied to several law schools in DC, but didn’t get in. I finally landed an internship and spent the summer of 2003 there. It was a very wild young summer and, upon leaving, I felt even stronger that it was a place I needed to be.

After applying to a zillion federal jobs in DC, I landed one a couple years out of law school, and moved there in September 2006. At that point, ironically, it was a hard move to make. I was excited about DC and all the pieces (the job, the apartment to live in) had fallen together so perfectly it seemed meant to be. However, I’d worked for two years in Atlanta and snuggled myself into a good life there. Leaving Georgia in 2006 was one of the hardest things I ever made myself do. I knew though, even then, it was the best thing I could have done for myself.

I am so thankful for the three years I lived in the Washington area. When I arrived there, I was broken, adrift. I was on antidepressants and had a hangover every single weekend. When I left DC several days ago, I said goodbye to the city as a more whole person. I am married and feel more stable and emotionally healthy than I have in my whole life, ever. I’m closer – haha, not there yet - to finding a home inside myself. Although I can attribute a lot of that to finding a life partner and, indeed, to the particular life partner I’ve chosen, I also attribute some of my growth to DC itself. For me, DC was a place for walking and thinking. And walking and thinking makes one grow.

I could go on forever about how DC has been a major character in my life. But I shall end this tome of a blog post with my thoughts upon leaving the city. I took a day and visited all of my favorite DC landmarks one last time. I didn’t feel as sad as I thought that I would feel. Instead, it was like saying goodbye to an old friend you know you’ll see again soon. Or, more accurately, like saying goodbye to an old friend or family member you’ve been around for too long, and every single thing they do annoys the crap out of you. You know that the next time you see this person, you will be overjoyed and absolutely not annoyed but for now, you are getting out of there as quickly as you can before you explode. That’s how I felt driving away from DC. Give me time though, and I’ll be back.

of news/stuff/change/life/love/butter (not really butter)

s and i got married last weekend. i know, i can hardly believe it myself. i've been waking up in the morning with a husband in my bed for the past ten days. i stare at him while he's sleeping and think about how great it is to have a husband lying there belonging to me for real. i've always wanted one and there he is. like a christmas gift. and not just any christmas gift but the one i wanted. it seems like a miracle and a dream all at once. i'm so thankful for him and for our new marriage. i feel like it's a baby bird i have to hold carefully or it will break or fly away. maybe that's because it's so new. in reality, i know our new little marriage is much stronger than it feels.

our wedding was wonderful and i have been replaying all of the details in my head - a more worn and well-used memory is tougher to forget, right? my favorite part of all was the ceremony. we wrote it ourselves, included several very special family members and a very special song. i love thinking about that song. s told me the song's been in his head all week, but he's been substituting the words "wedding rings" for "chicken wings." i like that because it pulls me back from weddingdreamland into our regular life.

our next step is that we are moving to troy, ny (a small city just north of albany) at the end of this month. we are renting one floor of an old brownstone in a regenerated part of downtown troy. it's going to be a temporary place to live until we can find/buy/move in to our first home. i feel like i have been searching for that home my whole adult life. i am breathless when i think about it and i can't wait.

until then, i am finishing out my work life in DC. i've been assigned a brand new month-long project that's interfered with my vision for my last lazy month of work here. but its breathed new life into my job and i'm even happier than before. ironic.

i am hoping that i will be able to keep in touch better via blogging once we move. "midwestern/southern girl moves north, battles snow, starts a uga alumni chapter/football watching club, and tries to find vietnamese food and live without a trader joes." stay tuned.

i'm ready to talk!

i took the new york bar exam this week - tuesday and wednesday - and i'm recovered enough to say that all i really care about right now is that it's over and i can get on with my life. i have had my mind very narrowly focused on the bar these past couple of months and now feel a little strange having it back. i have really missed lots of the little joys of my life, including cooking for the sheer pleasure of it, hiking and generally being outdoors, and enjoying quiet lazy weekend mornings with my honey and my dog. now they are all coming back to me and i am thrilled! just in time for the first signs of spring. i know it's going to be a good one.

i took the exam in albany with all of the other out-of-staters. it was in the empire state plaza convention center, which is below ground physically underneath The Egg. it was strange to think that, underneath that funny egg-shaped theater on tuesday and wednesday, all those souls were pouring their hearts out on the bar exam while life simply went on outside. i had the most nervous stomach walking in to the building on the first day of the exam- i haven't felt like that in a really long time. those kinds of feelings used to be common during law school but as a regular working person, i rarely feel that absolute terror type stress. i thought to myself "what in the world am i doing? i am too old for this!" but i also felt very much alive. i think it was really good for me to do something really hard to better myself and do it all on my own. i feel like this accomplishment has strengthened my core so i can be a better person in my regular life. and it's wonderful to have something to celebrate in that "schools out for summer!" way.

this weekend i have planned a big 30th birthday party for s - and although it is certainly a party for him, i will be enjoying it for myself as well!

dashing through . . . route 50

happy holidays! i don't have anything really groundbreaking to say today but i wanted to post because i always love reading my friends' updates - here i am returning the favor.
my life of late has been consumed, as most everyone's, by christmas shopping, wrapping, sending christmas cards and boxes of gifts, having intentions to make cookies, trying to finish the scarves i'm knitting as gifts, trying to fit in a workout or two (and pretty much failing at that), trying not to eat or drink too much at christmas parties (and definitely failing at that), and spreading overall christmas cheer without losing my mind or accidentally running anyone over. it's exhausting really and i didn't blame S one bit when he came home yesterday from 5 hours of "retail hell" spewing unmentionable blasphemies about the holiday season. his hair was literally standing straight up and he went straight for a beer. we all know how it feels, especially if your "retail hell" is northern virginia. nonetheless, we have gotten some fantastic gifts for our families and i think we're all ready to leave for colton, ny on saturday morning. oh except for making christmas cookies, throwing a small holiday gathering on thursday, buying a toy for those tots, making brownies tomorrow night for my tap class, picking up a gift for my boss, and visiting the white house christmas tree, which S seems to insist on. boy will i be glad to get on the road!

complaining aside, it's a wonderful time of year and i'm enjoying every minute of it, really. i wish you all good cheer and all loose holiday ends tied up. i also send out hope and love and prayers for everyone who's got a heavy or worried heart this december. may you be soothed by cookies and lights.

the agony . . . the ecstasy

here is michelangelo's pieta, from my gigantic pile of photgraphs that i took in italy. before i left on my trip, i was told to read "the agony and the ecstasy" by irving stone. i took one look at the 700-plus-page novel in the library and decided, eh, i'll read that some other time. after visiting italy and experiencing michelangelo firsthand - his frescoes in the sistine chapel, his oil and tempera doni tondo in the uffizi gallery, his marble david (i just visited the replica), and this pieta, a marble located inside st. peter's basilica - i really couldn't resist picking up the novel.

it was a fantastic book and well-worth the challenge of its heft. i was lucky to have 45 minutes on the train to and from work each day to read it. every morning before work and every afternoon on the way home i was transported to renaissance italy into the world and mind of michelangelo. with each new peice of art that michelangelo created, i followed along by studying a photograph of the piece from another source. i loved the color and violence of the renaissance world and particularly michelangelo's passion for his craft. it was invigorating and inspiring. i highly recommend it!

and here's another photo from italy, just for fun.


this, my friends, is the best pasta i have ever eaten. after a long day of sightseeing in florence, we relied on rick steves for an out-of-the-way place for good pasta. good old rick! the place was called 13 Gobbi (meaning 13 hunchbacks), and the dish was a thick al dente pasta dressed with garlic, olive oil, hot pepper, and pancetta. it was fantastic and i was sad i had to split the entree with sm, though we also split a most-excellent osso bucco. but oh the pasta!

my birthday, in review

i had a wonderful time on my birthday, which was on monday. turning 31 is sort of like turning 19. it's not a dramatic birthday and you don't really feel any different when it comes. but it was still my birthday and i've never been able to resist celebrating every minute of that day. so i'll share with you what i did on monday.

i slept in about 10 minutes. s made me pumpkin coffee (i have been ordering green mountain pumpkin spice coffee online! it's SO GOOD!) and i got a nice birthday hug and kiss before he left for work.

i took the metro to work. i was happy because i got to start a new chick-lit novel, a refreshing change from my month-long project of reading "the agony and the ecstasy." i brought cheddar/jalepeno cornbread to work for my coworkers. i spent most of the workday answering birthday emails and chatting with my coworkers.

i went to lunch with emma and sm at zengo. we had the bento boxes plus desserts for $24. i liked my lunch, especially the asian salad compartment, but for a lot cheaper, i think i prefer the bentos at teaism, followed by part or all of a salty oat cookie.

after work, i met s at the courthouse metro. he had a dozen red roses (!) and a gift for me, even though i'd specified NO GIFTS. we went to an irish pub for my "birthday boddingtons" which turned into a guinness because the pub didn't have boddingtons. however, i think "birthday guinness" has a better ring to it. i unwrapped the present !oh my! a wonderfully shaped wusthof paring knife. happy and with a concealed weapon in my bag, i walked with s to Ray's the Steaks for dinner.

neither of us had been to rays before but we'd heard great things about it, and it's consistently rated one of the best steaks in the dc area. i liked it immediately upon entering. its decor is simple and nonpretentious. the service was excellent and attentive. they brought out complimentary spicy cashews and rosemary focaccia and we ordered a very nice bottle of cabernet from california. we split a cup of the crab bisque - it was pure delight, a very generous serving of sweet lump crab swimming in a buttery coral-colored broth. i knew then that i'd come back just for the bisque. i ordered the filet, which was perfectly cooked and served with mashed potatoes and creamed spinach. s also got the filet, but added mushroom cream, which he said was amazing. we ate everything on our plates, finished the wine, gobbled up a slice of key lime pie for dessert, and had a nice chat with the couple sitting next to us. if you don't know already, know now that you need to eat at ray's the steaks. i hope to return at least once before we move to ny.

i didn't think my birthday could get any better, but it did. from dinner, we drove out to vienna to see a show: Gregory and the Hawk. s knows the singer/songwriter from high school and they were both happy to reconnect. i'd listened to her cd once and fell in love with her voice. it's almost otherworldly but in a really comforting and sweet way. her voice was even more enchanting live and i wanted her to sing forever. her lyrics are also soulful and sad and natural, and reminded me of eric bachman's solo work. i was moved and reminded of how much i love to listen to live music and want to do it more often. anyway, have a listen to gregory and the hawk if you get a minute.

the only bad part of my birthday was that it ended. but all days can't be birthdays, or they wouldn't be as wonderful.