when babies fall, parents cry

cute photo of M and dad. but do you see the rug burn on S's arm? that's the only evidence that remains of a very scary moment yesterday. S fell down the stairs while holding M! like he started at the top of the steps and fell all the way down to the landing. he did a great job of making sure M was okay on the way down. and he was, after he got over the scare of it. S and I are far more traumatized by the fall than the baby. it's just one of those moments we'll always remember as parents. we spend so much time and energy protecting him and thinking about protecting him, and it's hard to realize that we can't protect him from everything, including (or especially) our own ability to walk down stairs, for example.

i'm also realizing how terribly breathtakingly hard it's going to be to leave M at daycare next week. not only can we not protect our baby from things happening to him in the world, we also have to let him go out there on his own. i constantly have to remind myself that he's not a part of me anymore. ever since they cut the umbilical cord, he has been slowly but surely moving away from me. he's moved out of my arms into his bassinet just a few feet away and will eventually move into his own room. he's going to want to nurse less and less and begin take in food from outside of myself. he's moving farther and father away from my body. and i have to remember that his life is HIS journey and i'm just here to help him along. i can't teach him to walk or talk - those are things he has to do on his own, even though i'm here to hold his hand while he takes his steps and tell him stories from which he can make his own words. so i guess i'm beginning to experience what is probably the most challenging part of being a mother:

letting go.
gradually and bit by bit it will happen.
until he's fully M, grown.