i'm ready to talk!

i took the new york bar exam this week - tuesday and wednesday - and i'm recovered enough to say that all i really care about right now is that it's over and i can get on with my life. i have had my mind very narrowly focused on the bar these past couple of months and now feel a little strange having it back. i have really missed lots of the little joys of my life, including cooking for the sheer pleasure of it, hiking and generally being outdoors, and enjoying quiet lazy weekend mornings with my honey and my dog. now they are all coming back to me and i am thrilled! just in time for the first signs of spring. i know it's going to be a good one.

i took the exam in albany with all of the other out-of-staters. it was in the empire state plaza convention center, which is below ground physically underneath The Egg. it was strange to think that, underneath that funny egg-shaped theater on tuesday and wednesday, all those souls were pouring their hearts out on the bar exam while life simply went on outside. i had the most nervous stomach walking in to the building on the first day of the exam- i haven't felt like that in a really long time. those kinds of feelings used to be common during law school but as a regular working person, i rarely feel that absolute terror type stress. i thought to myself "what in the world am i doing? i am too old for this!" but i also felt very much alive. i think it was really good for me to do something really hard to better myself and do it all on my own. i feel like this accomplishment has strengthened my core so i can be a better person in my regular life. and it's wonderful to have something to celebrate in that "schools out for summer!" way.

this weekend i have planned a big 30th birthday party for s - and although it is certainly a party for him, i will be enjoying it for myself as well!