self worth

why do i seem to have more pain in my life than anyone else i know? is it because i love people too much, hold my friends and companions too close? i think i base my self-worth and identity on the strength and quality of my relationships with others. and then when these relationships change or go away, i despair in myself. have i been going about the business of life in the wrong way? what's the alternative? where else do you obtain self worth? how else can i judge my identity except through the marvelous life i've created for myself- gobs of great friends, loads of supportive, late night talks, people to go out with on friday nights, a family of sorts that i thought i had made to encircle me and make me happy. but that's only my covering up my lack of self worth, not creating it inside myself. maybe it's not about making your own life into a movie. maybe it's not about bringing art, music, and beautiful people and things into your life but instead, it's having a core of happiness and contentment and giving that to others. i don't know how to get there though. how do i create inner strength out of nothing at all?